


The Trouble with Big Men and Little Cars

by colisahotnorthernmess



Category: British TV Celebrities RPF, Wheeler Dealers RPF
Genre: Blow Jobs, Established Relationship, Frottage, Kissing, M/M, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 13:19:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14671902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colisahotnorthernmess/pseuds/colisahotnorthernmess
Summary: When Mike decides to treat Edd to a ride around the Lotus Factory's very own track in their little electric blue Lotus Esprit, Edd is a little disheartened to find that he cannot actually fit into the driver's seat. But he convinces Mike to to make it up to him later, when they're all alone and in Mike's bed.





	The Trouble with Big Men and Little Cars

The electric blue Lotus Esprit glinted in what little sunlight there was, so vibrant that it almost looked alien in this old WWII airfield. In the latest episode of Wheeler Dealers, Mike thought that he would treat Edd for all of his hard work by bringing him down to the Lotus Factory in Norwich, where they had agreed to let them rag their little sports car around Lotus' very own test track. Edd was beside himself with excitement; Mike was beside himself with giggles, seeing how Edd was almost a foot too large to fit himself into the car.

Brewer couldn't help but shake his head at the sight before him. He was most amused by the sight of Edd trying to squash his long legs into the Lotus, like an octopus trying to squish its many limbs into a crevice on the ocean bed of a coral reef. There was _no way_ he would be able to fit himself into the driver's seat. But, in spite of this, he knew how much this test drive actually _meant_ to Edd and he managed to stifle his laughter long enough to help him.

He had his doubts that it would make any difference but - nonetheless - after leaving the passenger side, he made his way round to the other side of the car and attempted to haul China's legs into the vehicle one by one. With one hand firmly placed on his friend's left thigh, Mike then began to swing Edd's right leg into the car.

But the tall man sharply inhaled. Mike assumed it was with pain and so he put Edd's right leg back down onto the tarmac in concern. "I 'aven't hurt you, 'ave I?" the older man queried.

"No... It's just that - you haven't just got my... _thigh_... there," he gasped. By now Mike had eased the firmness of his grasp, reducing it to a more sensual touch. Edd writhed against it and moaned involuntarily, "Ahh." Chewing his lip to prevent further noises escaping, he mumbled an embarrassed, "Sorry."

Upon realising the situation, Brewer slowly retracted his hand and blushed in response. "God," he smirked, " _Mate_..." It surprised him just how far down Edd's thigh his cock appeared to be. He never realised it was so _sizeable_. Of course he knew that China was a rather big guy - but big shoes didn't necessarily mean big _socks._  It was true that Mike may have had his hand around Edd's dick before, but memories of those occasions were blurred in his mind, with the alcohol erasing most of the finer detail.

So perhaps, _okay_ , it wasn't the first time they had been down this road; they had been intimate with one another before, but never really whilst sober. It was amazing how a little lager lubricated not only the throat, but the _hands,_ making them sweaty and desperate. Mike's hands had explored Edd's body during short drunken fumbles, and that was mostly through the clothes. Though he does seem to remember one time sticking his hand into the mechanic's open fly, clutching at his large bare erection and making him moan as he had just now.

Edd returned a bashful smile, seemingly able to read Mike's thoughts, "I'm wearing loose-fitting boxers." This was only more obvious as the tall man squirmed around in the space, trying not only to get comfortable, but trying to simply _fit_. The outline of his dick could be seen pressing hard against his cargo pants and Mike, much to his own surprise, could barely tear his eyes away.

"And I've got a semi on," Edd coughed, looking away.

The car salesman couldn't stop his lips from curving into a smile. "Fucking hell," he grinned at Edd. "Why?"

"I was... excited about the test drive," he explained, finally realising the sad truth that he could not fit into this gorgeous Lotus Esprit. He would, unfortunately, have to ride shotgun after all. "That's understandable, isn't it?"

Mike raised his eyebrows. Aside from his family, there was nothing in this whole world he loved more than motors; he was, admittedly, absolutely _crazy_ about them. But even _he_ had never gotten an erection over one. Not even a _stirring!_ He was usually too busy wrestling with dodgy handling, spongy clutches and the smell of mice-infested interiors when it came to bringing home cars _he_ had bought for them to restore. And though he _had_ heard of such things happening to fellow petrolheads, he wondered if there was a little something _more_ to Edd's arousal.

He once again placed his hand upon China's leg, moving his hand further up his thigh to meet with the hardening protrusion. He rolled his palm over the head of his cock, squeezed the shaft gently and was delighted by the reaction from Edd, who bucked with desire.

"And your hands all over my body might have something to do with it," he revealed at last, meeting steadily with Mike's gaze. Edd beckoned for him to lean further into the car and, as he did so, grabbed him gently by the scruff of the neck and pulled him in for a quick snog - which, despite its brevity, was open-mouthed and anything but chaste.

"Can't believe I don't fit," Edd murmured against Mike's lips, ending the kiss.

"It's because you're so _big_ ." And the presenter wasn't talking about his six feet and seven inches. Well - _alright_ \- he _was_ talking about a _certain_ seven inches.

Edd didn't want to get out of the car. But he had to, in order for the crew to film the test drive when they arrived. With Mike's help, he clambered out.

"Your loss is my gain," he smirked. "Out you jump, son."

"Well, you _owe_ me," Edd said, leaning on the car, gently wrapping his arms around his co-host and guiding him back towards him. "You know... if I can't drive the car around the test track."

"What did you 'ave in mind, Edward?"

The younger man bent down, closed the difference in height between them, and whispered in his friend's ear. "How about I show you later?" he suggested, his voice filled with lust. "Here's a clue," he added. "It'll involve you, me, a comfy bed and as few clothes as possible."

And, indeed, _later_ , Mike Brewer could not actually believe that he'd allowed himself to so easily take off _all_ of his clothes in front of Edd China. It really wasn't like him to be an exhibitionist in that sense. In fact, they were _both_ now naked and lying on one of the beds in Mike's house.

The only bed Mike had ever been on with Edd before was the drivable bed that Edd himself had invented, capable of reaching nearly seventy miles an hour. From the sheer _noise_ that _this_ bed was making right now, it felt like this stationary one was doing at least fifty. He'd tried to pick a bed which squeaked the least, for obvious reasons, and one in a room which had the poorest lighting. Not because he hadn't wanted to see _Edd_ with no clothes on. In fact, though he was for the main part straight, he found Edd to be rather dishy - which was just as _well_ , given the fact that he was between his legs.

No - Mike simply felt shy about stripping off, _himself_. He may have come across confident and cocky, but when it came to the way that he _looked_ , he felt he was nothing to write home about - that's why he had worked so hard on his charm and learned a bit of the old _patois_. It was a must for the car sales environment anyway, and he quickly realised he was a dab hand at it. But he knew he wasn't going to be promoting his car showrooms by putting on a bikini and lying on the bonnet of one of his cars any time soon. He'd leave that to someone _beautiful_ and with a body they could be proud of.

So he was resting there, nestled within the sheets and feebly attempting to cover himself with a stray bit of duvet. And to prove how _ridiculous_ this was of Mike, Edd wanted to show him just how much he loved _all_ of his naked body. He rose up between the shorter man's legs and cast the duvet aside, allowing his large hands to properly appreciate Brewer's curves. Stroking his thighs at first, China then moved upwards to caress the belly he found so adorable, before then pulling his own body forward so that their chests collided with one another and their cocks met with a bump. Mike growled.

"I fucking want you," Edd gasped as he rubbed himself against Mike, their erections grinding together. The older presenter shuddered. Not often was it that Edd would use that word. From the 'f' right through to the 'k', Mike went from moderate excitement in the trouser department to full blown arousal in less time than it took Edd to get to the full stop.

For someone who thought little of himself regarding handsomeness, Mike knew he was pretty lucky to have found two people who desired him so greatly, and who liked him for what he was physically; Edd and his own beautiful, loving wife, who he doted on. And speaking of her, she had only gone out shopping for the day and he knew she was bound to be home within a few hours.

"Trouble and strife will be home soon," he advised him.

" _Fuck_ your wife," Edd panted, still rocking back and forth over Mike's body.

There was that _word_ , spilling out of China's mouth. "I'll never be able to in _this_ bed again," Brewer thought to himself.

"Only kidding," the mechanic smiled at him, softly.

" _God_ ... Edward, my son - how did we end up here?" he asked. " _Again_ ," he added, silently. Only, _this_ time - unusually for them - no beer had been downed before-hand.

"It was your fault, Mike," Edd laughed, "Buying a car that was too small for me to fit in!"

He had a point - yes, that _had_ been the beginning of the predicament. But from the very point their test drive in the Lotus Esprit had begun - as much as they greatly enjoyed their run in the supercar - they could really only truly think of what was to come once they had reached the end of the experience. And Mike had finally come to understand how the rush of the race track had only _enhanced_ his feeling of sexual need - it maybe wasn't so silly after all to get an erection over driving a car. And maybe 'Norwich' really _did_ stand for 'knickers off ready when I come home.'

"You'll have to promise not to do that again... It was very _naughty_ ," Edd chastised him, emphasising the word with the flick of a tongue, but where that flick landed was almost too _naughty_ to say.

 _"Promise not to do it again?"_ Brewer thought. _"What? And miss out on doing this again?"_ Not a chance. But would Mike tell Edd _now_ \- with his hard-on planted halfway into his needy mouth or, later, when all of this would be over - that he'd already pencilled in a viewing for a tiny Fiat 500 next week, all the way over in Turin, Italy? _Either way_ , he just prayed to God that Edd wouldn't be able to _fit_ in it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this is a work of fiction - it is a completely made-up fantasy and is in no way intended to cause offence to the public figures involved.


End file.
